Amy Green, LMFT · The Aligned Love Accelerator

After the Date

A Checklist for Compatibility, Capacity, and Boundaries

Before you ask, “Did they like me?” ask, “How did I feel around them?”

Take five minutes. For each question, consider Yes, No, or Too Soon to Tell. There’s no score to pass. A boundary that matters to you can outweigh several positives.

1. Compatibility: Do We Want Similar Things?

• Did I enjoy who they were, apart from how it felt to be wanted?
• Did their relationship goals, values, or everyday life fit with what matters to me?
• Did I feel free to be myself when we had different preferences?

2. Capacity: Can They Show Up for What They Say They Want?

• Did their actions match their words so far?
• Did curiosity and effort go both ways?
• What do I actually know about their time and willingness to build a connection?

3. Boundaries: Was There Room for My Needs?

• When I expressed a preference or limit, did they respond with respect?
• Could I slow things down, disagree, or say no without pressure?
• Did I leave curious to know more, or relieved I no longer had to manage the interaction?

Separate what happened from what you’re guessing. “I suggested a quieter place, and they offered two options” is an observation. How they’ll respond to a bigger disagreement is still unknown.

Give yourself time to process. If you were managing noise, unfamiliar surroundings, or masking, your read may be clearer after some quiet. Consider how you felt alongside what the person actually did.

Choose Your Next Step

• I’m curious: I can say yes to one more date without deciding anything beyond that.
• I need clarity: “I’m looking for a committed relationship. What are you open to right now?”
• I’m done: “Thanks for meeting me. I’m going to leave it here. Take care.”

What I noticed: ________________________________________

What I want to do next: __________________________________

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This guide is for personal reflection. Dating coaching is separate from psychotherapy.